I've woken up this morning to the sound of rain... rain washing away the earth, cleansing our lives of the events of the past few days... this is a new day for our little family... it is now just the three of us and what I do today will set the tone of this new chapter... sadness has crept in between the raindrops and reminds me that nothing is permanent in this life... nothing is guaranteed to be there for as long as you'd like... I sit here and stare at his wedding ring... yes, I'd kept it after all this time... I honestly tried to pawn it after he left it in my makeup drawer the day he moved out but they told me it was only worth $40 and I know we spent way more than that on the damn ring so I kept it and tossed it in a drawer... I thought about digging it out after I bought a new sledge hammer but never did really put in the effort to find it... then this happens... it takes me a while to remember that I still had it but I knew where it was and I put it on... I'd been wearing it along with all of the other important jewelry that he'd given me... a sterling silver Luchenbooth pendant (a heart with a thistle wearing a crown) that he'd brought back from Scotland when we first met... it was meant to be given to the one you intend to marry... the heart is for love and the crown is for loyalty... I used to joke about wearing it after the divorce because he was never faithful but he always knew that I was to him... it was also a part of our Scottish heritage that both of us were very proud of... I'd also worn the emerald and diamond ring he bought me for my 27th birthday that I had stopped wearing a couple of years ago, but his wedding band was something that meant more to me to have on because I was the only one he had actually married... his girlfriend put his silver ring on him and for all those that didn't know him well enough would have thought that they were married but I made sure that I wore it more for my peace of mind knowing that I was his only wife and nothing that she did could erase that... this wedding band that I now have to save to pass on to his son when he's old enough to have it... so now I have to decide whether to hold on to the anger I have been feeling or if I'm going to release it and let it go... I have to let go of the anger I have for her leaving him alone in his volatile state... I have to let it go that he will never have another moment with his children again... I have to let it go that he won't get to be there for any more birthdays, Christmases, Thanksgivings... he won't be there to see them make the honor roll and he won't be there to see them graduate... and he won't be there to walk our daughter down the aisle and have their Father Daughter Dance... he won't be there to give our son dating advice or teach him how to drive... I have to let it go that he won't be physically present for any of those milestones in their lives... I have to let go of the sadness and allow the rain to wash away the pain I have in my heart... today is a new day... it'll take many many more to ever come close to being normal again but the sun will keep rising each day whether I'm ready for it to or not... so I will go and stand in the rain and pray that it will cleanse my heart and prepare me for the new day...