I sat here last night and listened to Leonard Cohen's "If It Be Your Will" and bawled my eyes out... it was the first song that they played at the funeral and the only part of the entire service I believe that they did right... Chris and I used to listen to Leonard all of the time when we first started dating, often spending hours in his garden-sized bathtub singing along to the morbid lyrics until the water got cold... it was sadly appropriate for this occassion and I couldn't hold back the tears any longer... I cried for all of the heartache he would never again cause me, for all of the arguments we would never have, and for all of love I felt for him though he didn't deserve it... he could never understand why I loved him unconditionally through all of the hell he put me through but I did... I loved him for the way he used to make me laugh... I loved him for the way he swept me off my feet when I resisted going out with him in the first place... I loved him for 8 years of ups and downs and for giving me two precious babies... I loved him for introducing me to Leonard and forcing Neil Diamond on me... now all I have are memories of a man I had spent many years at odds with but had recently forgiven... he really was trying to work on our relationship because he knew that the best thing we could do as parents is to get along... and now I'm left with that song...