I finally did it... I managed to be around a member of Chris' family and did not break down... well, not too much... his sister is in town with her husband for a job that he has doing camera work for a football game on Monday... I wasn't sure what was going to happen since we have not been on the best of terms since Chris died... I know she was trying to be a peacekeeper in matters and I cannot fault her for what she has done... I agreed to see her and we had a good time... we all went to lunch and she seemed to have fun bowling with the kids... she and Jack tied for last place and we all stuck around and played the arcade games... we did a little shopping and made some fudge... we made plans for New Year's Eve since the kids will be at Grandma's house and then we cried... we cried over how stupid Chris was for his final decision... we cried for all of the times we still start to call him and remember that he is no longer there... we cried over our memories of him and laughed a bit at the dumb things he used to do... we cried for eleven weeks of now being threes... there are now only three of us in our little family... there are now only three kids left in their family... three is such an incomplete number... it will always long to have its fourth... I find it only fitting to spend New Year's Eve with his sister... a chance to heal our wounds and make a fresh start...