Wow... two whole days without blogging! It's mostly due to the weather and I've been working non-stop for the last couple of days... I've also been thinking about how I was going to teach the lesson today, God wants us to forgive, without feeling hypocritical... I had to correlate it to getting a surprise present... we expect presents on our birthdays and at Christmas but they are especially nice when they are given unexpectedly... and so forgiveness is like an unexpected gift that feels good to give... that's a huge concept for kids to grasp let alone adults... I have doubt if I will truly be able to forgive the girlfriend for what she's taken away from my kids... she was not the one to pull the trigger but he couldn't bear to go on without her... what also troubles me is I've recently met someone who was out with Chris and the girlfriend the night she had him arrested... the more that comes out about how the end of their relationship was collapsing, the more upset with her I get... my attorney has also alluded that Chris' estate was a bit larger than I had thought and I can't wait for this girl to feel the full weight of the courts come down on her... I'm not the kind of person that should be teaching 4 year olds about forgiveness for the moment... maybe this lesson is more for me... I have tried to forgive her before things got ugly in the legal sense and now I am aggravated... but then I think back to the exercise I did with the kids... I had them hold a load of large, heavy blocks that represented anger and all bad feelings... then I had them "forgive" one another so the load could be put down... and with each block I thought about how the anger I feel for the girlfriend may be holding me back from moving on with my life... every day is another baby step forward... my hair's done today and I look presentable, but I would much rather be curled up in bed... but I have to acknowledge part of it is because the weather is bleak today and that makes me want to go back to bed instead of finishing up my errands... plus I had a baby here last night until after midnight... I do need to catch up on sleep... anyhoo... forgiveness weighs heavily on my mind... I pray that I will be able to at some point...