I am waiting... for what I am not certain, but I'll know it when it happens... like I said in the prior post, his sister called... apparently she turned around and called her parents because the next phone call I got was from his mother... she is still grieving so much that her boss let her take the week off... I don't blame her... to lose a child would be devastating... I could never imagine burying one of my children... but she calls to see how we are... I must have gotten his sister worked up when I told her that how I am treated is how I'm going to deal with all of them in the future... that if I was going to be treated without dignity or respect then I would not allow them to be in our lives... why would I keep around toxic people to have influence in their lives? All I can say to his mother is much the same of what I said to his sister... I was very hurt that they never came over... that they went straight to the girlfriend and did not once come to see how their grandchildren were doing... we're supposed to be family yet that is how they react... and I say as much to his mother... how am I suppose to feel when I'm treated that way? How else should a mother react to having her world turned on its head and you've got small children to think of? Chris was a very important part of our lives and we depended upon him and now that he's gone all I can do is stabilize our situation before it gets worse... his mother apologized profusely because she knows that once my mind is made up I will not change it... if they didn't extend themselves in the slightest, I would not take that step... one thing I know to be true about myself is once my feelings have been hurt it is very hard for me to ever forgive the betrayal... I am loyal to a fault and will fight tooth and nail for those I care about but I refuse to repair relationships with those I cannot trust... I managed to move beyond my negative feelings for Chris because I had to build a good relationship with the father of my children... it was the right thing to do... it was not easy but I did what I needed to for the kids... I don't know if I can move beyond my negative feelings for his parents because of how they've behaved... no one can expect everyone to do what is appropriate in a time like this... everyone is grieving and handling their emotions in their own way but that does not make their actions right... it does not make what his girlfriend is doing right either... and it does not allow me to do what I feel is right, only what is necessary... I will not deny that I will probably find some satisfaction in having the courts on my side... Chris always thought that I was hung up on being righteous... I cannot deny that there is truth to that... I knew we would eventually end up in court and I was in a position that was hard to tarnish... a mother who opened a day care to stay home with the kids, who has since become Baptized and now teaches Sunday School... active with neighborhood groups and volunteers with a cancer group... donates blood on a regular basis (and you should, too!)... all things that are hard to say are bad things... I didn't choose these aspects of my life to look good in court; more because I enjoy the community, being social, and I really love the people around me... I love being a part of putting smiles on little faces and making my mark in this world... and if that makes me righteous, then so be it... so here I am, doing what I must to take care of the kids... I am not perfect... I will stumble and fall... I will cry... but I will pick myself up, dust myself off, and continue the work I've started... continue to be the kind of mother that my kids will later be able to appreciate... Lord knows they won't appreciate any of it until they have children of their own... all I want for them is to be able to have happy lives doing whatever makes them passionate... I want them to never doubt their worth and know that they are loved... I want them to never doubt their abilities to succeed... this is what I want for all of us... and how we choose to allow this sad event to impact our lives will determine our course... I could compound the pain by retreating from the world and my children or I can make the most of every day... each day is a gift... we never know when it'll be our last... so you can bet that I'll be doing all that I can to make today count...