I guess if I think it and then another person says it, it must be true... I was talking to my minister today and was telling her about how I've been feeling and it seems that we've both reached the same conclusion... I've hit the depression stage of my grief and I'm hoping that it won't last too long... I'm up and functioning, though some days better than others, and I'm trying to do everything I can to stay on top of my life but it's getting hard... one of the things I didn't realize that I was mourning for was my loss of freedom... odd thing... I had been happy about being divorced because it meant I had every other weekend to myself and could go out and do whatever I wanted... it meant I could totally sleep in and not get out of bed or I could be on the go... I could see grown up movies where there's not a single cartoon anywhere and stay out as late as I wanted... I planned all of my dates for those weekends and got to have as much fun as I wanted... I know I could do all of that still if I really wanted to but it's not the same anymore... maybe it was good to have this last year "off" from being a mother 24/7 and getting back to what was important to me... it seems that I will be putting my "wild" side on the back burner for now as we continue to regroup... so funny to think that my wild side consists of going to an R-rated movie and having a glass of wine... maybe staying out until 11 pm... yep... wild and crazy... I'd much rather be home these days anyway... I've dumped the contents of my closets and although the clothes and shoes have found a home, I still have boxes of files to go through... I opened one box up and found some of the papers I wrote in college and I found an old Valentine's card from Chris... back from the first year we were together and we still liked each other... you can love someone without liking them and I distinctly remember when he gave me this card... we liked each other a whole lot... I keep finding memories tucked away in all of these boxes... it's much harder than I would have thought to make it through... I guess I'm doing a good job... at least that's what everyone's telling me... but now I have to get the rest of me up to speed... I just wish the frustrations would stop... I wish there was a happy ending to all of this mess... but I know all I can do is make the most of each day that I have... that each day is a gift and I have to treat it as such... these last five weeks have been a horrible blur and it amazes me that my emotions are just now really catching up... time is all that I've got now to help make it better... that and the legal system... so my mind is all jumbled for the time... some of it due to my allergy and cold medication... some of it from dealing with our situation... either way we'll make it through...