Amazing how a little sleep can make you a whole new person... when I was tired, my mind kept racing about all of the things that need to be attended to, never able to really get anything done... today was a decent day or as decent it could be under the circumstances... I got to laugh and play with the kids today and found myself joining in more enthusiastically than usual... for those of you that don't know, I have my own day care and get paid to color, paint, blow bubbles, and read stories... my day care kids are all great little people and I get quite a few hugs throughout each day... they sort of know what's happened and most had seen me the day everything went down and saw me as a complete mess... but because they're children who live egocentric lives, they also force me back to my regular routine and have me playing... they've been a huge part of me getting back on my feet and it feels good to be silly... so my day was good... I am happier today than I've been over the past two weeks though I'm highly aware that it's going to be an emotional roller coaster... I can only hope the melatonin is as effective or more so than the pills I took... you'll be able to tell if I got any sleep by the time stamp on my next post... the kids seem to be better... Hannah picked up my glow-in-the-dark skull out of my Halloween box and said to Grandpa, "Hey look! It's Daddy's skull!" and giggled around with it in her hand... I reconsidered putting up our usual decorations of the skeleton on the door and bones in the garden simply because I felt this might not be a good time to have that outside... a bit more morbid than my usual self so we went and bought scarecrows and pumpkins to have up until Thanksgiving... I still find it hard to believe I'll never get another BS phone call in the middle of the day or have him smoking outside my door... I guess I'm mentally ready to experience the pain but am waiting to see what my heart does... the one thought that still goes through my mind is this didn't have to happen... she should have known better... but you can't take back yesterday and life will go on... one of my friends reminds me that I get to start over with a clean slate... so what will I do with this new life before me? Will this experience change my life's path for the better? I know that I have grown emotionally from all the love and kindness that we've received... I know that I will write about this and do my best to get it published... I know that I love all of the wonderful people in my life who have been there, from friends to neighbors, even the lawyers... I am full of gratitude for those that keep us in their thoughts... and now as bedtime approaches I will try a more natural way of hopefully getting some rest so I don't become a raving loon! Good night my friends...