It's been three hours or so since my last post and I was hoping to not do this... I really would like to be asleep right now drooling on my pillow or grinding my teeth but alas, here I am... two comforting thoughts... the dishes are done and have completed their wash cycle and I have done yet another load of laundry... how exciting... maybe the other reason I'm dragging my feet on retaining the probate lawyer is that it would be an admittance that Chris truly is dead. Not that he's sitting in some bar somewhere getting drunk and I'm up waiting for him to come home... but dead... gone... I will never lay my eyes upon him, dead. Wouldn't it be nice if I could enjoy the ignorant bliss that the kids have... maybe that's why I can't fall asleep until 3 or 4 in the morning... it's the time I used to stay up until he finally dragged himself in here... and I thought I was done crying... damn...