Do you ever wonder why some people are brought into your life for brief moments while others get to be with you longer? Can you see what value they have added to your life and do you appreciate the lessons that comes with having them enrich your life? Some have a hard time figuring out what to say to me in these days because there is no standard Hallmark response for having your friend's ex-husband shoot himself while she was talking to him... could you imagine that section in the greeting card aisle? It would be somewhere between I'm sorry you married such a bum and Your husband's been cheating on you with your brother... What I find interesting is there are so many out there that never realize that each person is put in your path for a purpose... it's difficult for some to see the value in having a man in my life that did not hold our marriage sacred... but he did serve a purpose... he gave me the most precious gift that one could receive and I could never repay him for making me a mother... those kids have changed me for the better... they make it hard to be selfish... it's a love that runs deeper than any other... in a strange way Chris also gave me a better appreciation for life... during the end of our marriage, I barely recognized the person that stared back at me in the mirror... I was a shell of my former self... I didn't smile all that much... I was cranky... I didn't spend time with any friends and avoided being out of the house for anything other than the grocery store... after the divorce I had to find myself... it sounds so cliche but it's true... I took a year off from men and got to know myself again... I started singing and dancing around the house... that is quite a sight! But it put a smile back on my face... I listened to music from happier times and played every musical soundtrack I owned and danced to all of the choreography from the shows I had been in... (I now find it ironic that I was cast as one of Judas' tormentors in Jesus Christ Superstar considering my present situation)... there is something about music that moves my soul... I don't claim to be any good but it doesn't stop me from doing it! One of my best friends had commented to me that I seemed much more like I used to be than I had over the last few years... she's known me for 18 years so she'd know... I guess that's good that I'm back to my center (or at least close)... There have also been a few other people who were present but only for a moment... one showed me that I was still attractive and funny and that it was possible to be happy after divorce... another has shown me that there are possibilities that I never even dreamed of... we truly have no control over how long these souls are to mingle with ours but we must enjoy them for however long they are around... others have been a staple in my daily life but I had never given them too much thought because we are all running after our children, worrying about dinner, and how we'll get the laundry done... now they play a much larger role in our lives and it's taken this tragedy to make me see their importance... what would you say or do with one of your friends if you knew that this was the last day they would be on this earth? And how do you factor in with all of this? I never think much about what I do or say and how it impacts those around me... I can only be myself and do the best that I can do... I can only continue to live a life of gratitude for all of the wonderful people I have in my life and hope that my children can follow my lead...