I actually remember dreaming last night... not real sure of where I was at but I had to go tell someone of his passing... I vaguely remember climbing up the side of a crag with a mountain bike in tow and there being a man there encouraging and cheering as I climbed... you must understand that I am terrified of heights though it is not uncommon to find me on top of a ladder if need be but you will never find me rock climbing because there are too many variables that I cannot control... in the dream I had to find a person who would have carried much guilt about Chris' death and this person was embodied in what looked to be a troll... I had gotten over my fear of the height from scaling this mountain side and now the prospect of telling this troll and sharing a moment of comfort was no longer the daunting task I thought it would be... there is so much symbolism to be had if I wanted to decipher my dream... it makes me question what I should do concerning his girlfriend because I waffle between wanting her to bare the full weight of what I know to be true and allowing her to go peacefully into the night... I could wash my hands of her and go about our lives as though she never existed... a tiny blip on our history... I could emotionally annihilate her and legally force her to release what is rightfully my children's... I could forgive her... what does it say about me when I treat the least of us with vengeance instead of mercy? I'm afraid that if I take the lesser path that it could cause irreparable harm to my psyche... it would be easy to lash out in pain and no one would blame me for doing so... but I often make my daughter read passages from The Road Less Traveled and wonder how I could be the mother that she needs if I became a hypocrite...