Much has weighed heavily on my mind and I took a little time out for myself... my wonderful friend, Kari, was having us over for dinner but had offered to have the kids over a few hours early so I could have time for myself... I told her I would call after we got back from church to see when would be a good time and pondered what to do with my free time... I had gotten a spa certificate from a friend but I needed to make an appointment to do that so I called my friend, Joseph, instead to see if they could squeeze me in for a massage... Joseph's been a sweetheart and is one of my movie buddies and it doesn't hurt that he and his mother have a great little spa around the corner from my house... it's a very cozy shop that I can always count on when I find myself with a few free hours and they've always accommodated me even on ten minutes notice... I think the world of his family and was happy to hear that he could make time for me today... I did not know until after I got there that they were not really open that day... he was only there because they were hanging a mirror and doing a few odds and ends but he took my appointment because he knew I needed it... poor guy... he just got his license and the first time he massaged me he wasn't prepared for the knots I have in my shoulders... I told him they felt like bricks and that no one has ever truly been able to get them out... I think his hands were sore for a few days after that first time and I'd tease him that he'd need to work out a little to build up the strength in his hands to handle me... well, today he could have told me they're closed and I would have understood but he didn't... instead he readied my room and spent an hour and a half trying to ease my pain and did manage to put me to sleep... he took such good care of me and then refused to allow me to pay him for his time... he has such a wonderful heart, just like all of the rest of the people I have been blessed to have in my life... I truly believe in karma and you get back what you put out there so I must have done something right along the way to have so many friends be as kind and loving as they've been...

Another thing I keep hearing over and over (and maybe I've already written about it but my mind's still hazy) is that "You're such a strong person"... it makes me chuckle every time I hear it because I have never thought of myself in those terms... I know when I want or need something there is little doubt that I will eventually get my way... it doesn't occur to me that anything is out of my reach and I have no problem taking charge of a situation so it will have the outcome that I find most desirable... seems a bit arrogant but not many people have stopped and questioned me as to my credentials and if I have the authority to do whatever it is that I'm doing... so when they say that I'm a strong person and that they have little doubt that I can survive this tragedy it steels my will as I push forward with trying to handle all of the legal mess I have before me... I'm not certain of its outcome but I will definitely land on my feet... thank you for all of you who have been here for our family... there have been moments when I have had doubts about how things may turn out but all of you have helped in ways that are hard to express with mere words... you all are my shining stars who have helped me navigate these murky waters and keep me on course... this journey has only just begun but I see Hope on the horizon...