At around this time of night I would start to worry about whether or not I'll be able to get to sleep... for the last three nights I have been able to get rest with the help of sleep aids and melatonin... tonight I feel like being wild and letting my mind run amok... I need to do some serious house cleaning and find not only my kitchen counter but also my desk... I know it's under there somewhere but I have had neither the time nor inclination to deal with it... people have been very understanding that I have let the house slide... at least I was showered and dressed in clean clothes... baby steps... so now I will attempt to get at least the downstairs back in order... if I appear a little wild-eyed in the morning, I apologize... I will try to get to bed before the sun rises because I have my all important meeting at the Social Security office in the morning... once that is behind me I will be able to breathe a sigh of relief and have a better idea of where I'll stand financially... it sucks to think that it may appear to his family that I'm only in it for the money but they never truly got to know me... I was raised as an Army brat and we learned to make do with whatever the circumstance was... I'm not asking for anything more than what is due so I can take care of the kiddos and keep my house in order... yes, that does include putting in a new front door but my sweet dads in the neighborhood made mine close and lock without effort... so now I will sort through all that has accumulated over the last couple of weeks and start the baby steps to reclaiming my life...