I really should NOT have done that... it's 3:30 in the morning and I was paying some bills before I wanted to head off to bed and I looked at my Sprint bill... the new cycle had posted all of my calls for the last billing period which ended on 10/6... the Friday following his death... and now I can see when he called, when I called back, and can hear the conversation roll over and over again... it gave me goose bumps to see all of the call times for when I talked to him... then I could see who I called next... 54 phone calls to my cell phone in that 24 hour span... it started off talking with Chris, then my sister as I waited for the police to call me back, my kids' Godparents to see if they could come over so I could go out there... then my favorite attorney just because he's a voice of reason... then a short break as I drove frantically out to Plano before I started calling his sister and my parents... from there it was those closest to me who might be able to tell me that I'm just having a really awful nightmare... yet another black and white record of what has happened... a bit more unnerving than holding his death certificate in my hand... that was definitely not fun receiving it in the mail... so now I'm going to take some melatonin and see if I can get a couple of hours rest before my day starts...