Today marks four full weeks of our new life... four weeks of uncertainty in some areas but four weeks of nothing but love from those around us... four weeks of the most heart warming people you could ever wish to have in your life... there are still moments where I don't feel like we deserve all that we've been given but it is a testament to the spirit of God... sometimes we go through life unaware of how our actions affect one another... a smile to a stranger... holding the door... helping a friend and neighbor with a mundane chore... listening to each other... I guess along the way I've been nice enough to elicit a smile and a wave... I've managed to score a few invitations to some of the coveted parties in the neighborhood... nothing that I have done I would find extraordinary for what I believe friends should do for each other but here I am in total awe of these women around me... they've pulled together and I truly feel the love... they have loaned us their husbands for odd jobs and have made meals... everything that we could need but never would dare ask for... and so I'm finally getting around to doing all of my thank you notes that I hope to have out by next week... how do I thank these wonderful people with words? I'm not sure but I hope that they all know how much I appreciate each and every one of them...

On a side note, I first must apologize for making anyone feel that they're behind... yes, Halloween was a couple of days ago and yes, my Christmas tree is up... no, I'm not joking... it is actually up... our first Christmas in this house was my opportunity to get one of those prelit trees that I wouldn't have to mess with too much and I loved it... I loved it for three years until all of the lights stopped working and left me with a sad tree that I couldn't untangle the prelit lights from so this year I thought I would make a fresh start and get a new tree... I found one online that suited my needs and ordered it... I figured it would take a while to get here so I was very surprised when it arrived on Halloween... I was left with two choices... put the box in the garage and forget about it or put it up now and have ten weeks of Christmas... I love everything there is about Christmas... it's the one time of year you can be annoyingly cheerful and bake cookies and make homemade ornaments and be crafty... yes... all of that stuff you always said you would do when you became a mommy and have never gotten around to doing... I do it all... I should say that the reason I do it all is my family didn't have much in the way of traditions growing up so when I had a family of my very own, I made a few up... we do our bluebonnet pictures in the spring, we go to the pumpkin patch in the fall, and every Christmas we do our best to keep up with Martha Stewart... so yes, I took plain wreaths and garlands and decorated them by myself... I did not pick the pine cones that I used but my mother did... she knew I was looking for some big ones and there were tons by her work... no sense in paying good money for things that fall from trees... and so I have about ten weeks of Christmas cheer ahead of me... it's the time that I'm partially dreading because this is the first year on our own and I'm afraid of how we'll be as a family... I'm starting to get the hard questions about how and why Daddy died and maybe the kids will break down when they fully realize that he is truly gone... so now I'm shifting the focus to Christmas and hope we can get by as smoothly as we did for Halloween... Cornish Game Hen Day (formerly known as Turkey Day) is not as big of a deal for our family and now that I can't have turkey, it'll just be another day for food and family and I get to sleep in... I've put the kids on a kind of scavenger hunt for ornaments this year... we generally make a few but I like to buy a few to add to the others that we've collected... I started a new ornament collection when we moved in since that was our first real tree as a family and all we've been buying are wooden ornaments... Jack wasn't very big then but I knew it wouldn't take him long to break the glass ones... so their task is to find a country style wooden cross ornament... maybe something a little swirly as long as they adore it... I want them to remember how much we have been blessed as a family in this time when others have not been as fortunate... I think about how Chris' family has taken this heartbreak and they have a much longer road than we do... they have far more guilt and issues to deal with that we were fortunate enough not to be burdened with... I am thankful every day for all of those that hold us in their thoughts and prayers and have shown us God's grace and mercy... I just pray that there are as many people helping his family through as have helped us... so forgive me, dear friends, when you come to the door... the tree is lit and I'll be trying to get into my Christmas cheer... hopefully the smile will be 100% genuine instead of the half genuine smile I've been walking around with... every day has been a little better and I have great hope for tomorrow...

I am a believer that everything has a purpose... that people are put in your path for a reason and all you have to do is open your eyes... I've said it before and tonight was another confirmation of that belief... I have hit the ugly legal side of my situation where a friendly agreement between two people is just not going to work... I've tried being nice but I now have to turn my problems over to lawyers... and I love lawyers... I really do! My problem is I have not been very comfortable with the one that I was referred to because he seems to be a good ol' boy... nothing wrong with that but I need someone who can understand that I'm not available during the business day because I work for myself... I can't be constantly out turning over all of the paperwork and I don't have access to a fax machine at home... my attorney was capable but didn't seem as willing to make house calls or work weekends... so being stuck between a rock and a hard place, I was worrying about what I was going to do... but tonight my angel has been on my shoulder... tonight we went trick or treating with our good friends (who are also the kids' godparents) and had a good time begging for treats... there were other people along and we all chatted as we wandered the streets... we ended up back at their godparents' house and kept on talking and laughing as the adults had a few margaritas and the kids played... it wasn't until the end of the evening that I realized that the woman I had been talking to most of the night is a trust and estate lawyer, meaning she handles probate cases... I tell her about my case and we talk about my options... I now feel relieved to know that this woman is flexible where I need her to be and we can get the rest of my problems settled... how can it be a coincidence that I needed a new attorney and one is delivered in my lap? My faith is strong and I know that what I need will come my way... some may say that that is extremely naive but there are moments where you just need to turn your problems over... over to God, to Buddha, to fate, whoever... and the moment that you free yourself of your problem, your prayers will be answered... I may get teased about it but it works for me... it can be for little things like finding my keys but it seems to work on the bigger things as well... so that is where I'm at tonight... very relieved and a little tipsy from my margaritas... this has been an excellent Halloween night and I will bid you a good evening as I raid the kids' Twizzlers...

This has been an odd but decent day... I am about to embark on the second half of my love affair with the closet organizer so all of my shoes may find a proper home... Chris' sister keeps calling... I know she's doing her best to reach out and it's frustrating... how can I be upset with her? She's lost her brother... but our conversations inevitably turn to how angry I am that the girlfriend has his remains and she has yet to return my phone calls... the kids are starting to wonder what happened to their pet mice that were at Daddy's... maybe they died, too... they want to know when she'll let us go over and get their stuff... so I tell Chris' sister that it would be greatly appreciated if someone would talk to her on our behalf because the longer she takes, the more likely it will be that this will all be settled in a court and that can only get ugly... having his sister call like that is starting to be stressful... I have managed to make it through most days without looking at what has been lost... I have managed to put one foot in front of the other and put the pieces of our lives back where they belong... and then the phone rings and it's her... and I can feel the tears welling in my eyes and I have to excuse myself from where the kids can see me... I really don't want to cry any more over him... and I'm finding myself talking to him when I'm annoyed and ask him to give me a sign of what I should do... that's when I check my email and see that "Chris" and "Peace" have notices posted on my freecycle group back to back... and these are not normally people who post much on our group... I also had another parent interview today and turns out she knew Chris... she works at the bar where he spent many many nights being himself and was a bit shocked when I told her that he died... this truly is a small world... so basically my mind's a bit scattered today and I am going to go do the one thing that brings me peace... I'm going to go play with my power tools and put away my shoes...

There comes a time in every girl's life where she just knows... she knows that she has found that something special... that something that she just can't imagine how she ever did without... little flutters abound and just the thought of that special something brings a smile from ear to ear... for those of you that know me will not be surprised... I am in love... words that may not seem appropriate in these times, but friends, know that there is hope for me because I am head over heels in love... with the Rubbermaid configurations... yes... I know it's a closet organizer but you have got to know that this product is amazing... it took longer than expected to install simply because there are endless possibilities in how you can utilize their basic kit... I can finally see all of my handbags and clothes... I will do the other closet tomorrow because shoes are special and require a whole day unto themselves... after all of this reorganization has taken place, all of my shoes will be in one place and I will be left with one completely empty walk-in closet... like I said earlier, I'm doing some serious nesting... I'd normally be in bed but this, for me, is as exciting as waiting up for Santa Claus when I was four... yep, the girl has lost it...

Another day on the go... more Halloween events, play time with friends, and running mindless errands... I'm not sure if I'm in a state of denial or if I'm trying to put on a fresh face on my life but I've been doing some serious nesting... I bought some topsoil and mulch for the neglected side of my front garden... nothing has managed to last for too terribly long on that side... not sure if it's the amount of sunlight or the soil so I prepped it for winter and will deal with it in the springtime... I'm also dumping my closets... nothing seems to have a proper home anymore so I am sorting and tossing in my best effort to reorganize my life... sometimes the best way to reorganize my mind is to start in the closets... so if no one sees me at some point tomorrow or the out trick-or-treating on Tuesday, call out the search dogs... I'll probably be buried under an avalanche of shoes and handbags...