Just when you think the blahs have you something happens that can really perk a girl up... I have been going to the salsa class at the gym on Wednesday nights because it's one hour where I get to dance and just have fun... normally it's all women but tonight there were a couple of guys hanging out in our room before class and we talked them into staying... then one of the other girls brought her husband with her and then one poor guy who was looking at what we were doing got dragged into the room... what is normally a choreographed workout became a couples lesson... and I got to dance with a cute guy... even though it didn't go beyond dancing, it was nice... then another cute guy was sweet at the grocery store when we went to get milk after the gym... is there something stuck to the back of my shirt that says smile at me? It doesn't matter much because I won't be running into any of them again but it feels good to not feel invisible... I think I've been doing my best to stay under the radar for a while now and I need to stick my head out there every once in a while just to keep my bearings...
Part of my funk is also the unknown that's leading up to the hearing next week... hopefully it won't be long and drawn out to have me appointed the administrator of his estate... it's the last piece before I can close that chapter of our lives... I will be relieved to have the new year start and I'm looking forward to starting over... I keep thinking about how everything has played out to now and I think we're doing better than most could have hoped for... God doesn't close a door without opening a window, you just have to be smart enough to look... the other part is the positive thinking... even though I get frustrated (a lot more than I'd like to admit) I never doubt that whatever challenges I have before me will get accomplished... it may not go the route that I had planned but it always works itself out... the whole thing about my car was a bit daunting because there was a moment of fear that I would lose our car... the panic didn't last very long and now I'm in a new car... nicer in most ways than my last one and less problems... it's amazing that doing the task is always easier than the anticipation leading up to it... so now I just have to put aside the anticipation of the hearing and prepare whatever I need to so we'll have everything in order... please keep us in your prayers over this next week and I'm hoping to come back with good news...

Christmas is a mere two weeks away and I have yet to buy a single present... now that we seem to be on schedule with what I had originally planned for the family, I might actually try to get out and do a little shopping... I've been taking stock of the blessings in our lives as we prepare to go to the Service of Remembrance and Healing tonight... I am fairly certain that I'll be attending but I don't want to keep crying... the irony is my life has been better overall since Chris has died... but if that's the case then why am I so frustrated with everything? My patience doesn't seem to be going as far as it used to and I feel like I'm snapping a bit more over things that don't really matter... there are a couple of pieces that I'm missing still that are taking longer than I would like them too, namely the hearing that we have next week and recovering his property for the kids... getting his girlfriend out of my life permanently would be a big weight off of my shoulders... I still cannot believe the audacity of this girl to be so selfish where his kids are concerned... all I can do is wait for the legal system to do its job... in the mean time I am at the gym most every day because it's the only place where I can drop the kids for a couple of hours and take care of myself... eventually I'll make use of their salon and spa but that will be after I get this month wrapped up... better days are still ahead...