This past Friday was something... the time had finally come to take inventory of the storage unit and catalogue Chris' possessions... I was smart enough to ask one of my friends to go with me but made sure it was one that never knew Chris... I figured it was going to be hard enough as it was to get this task done but I wasn't prepared to handle anyone else's emotions... we went down there and met with the attorneys and got the keys... we did a preliminary look to say that yes, it seems that what was on the inventory list was there but we will go through and check off the list and send confirmation back to the girlfriend's attorney...

The emotions seemed to come in waves... I was under the assumption that everything was in boxes... not so... we opened up the unit and there were garbage bags... piles and piles of garbage bags... isn't that sweet? You claim to love someone and the best that you can do for them is to put some of their possessions in garbage bags... so between the sight of the garbage bags and the overwhelming smell of Chris' mix of cigarette smoke and whatever it was that made him smell lemony, I was hard pressed to hold back the flood of tears... I sent my friend to move my car and bring in my Kleenex... I unearthed the kids' bunk bed, their purple couch, and Chris' office desk and chair... it was finding the pictures of the kids that I gave him for his desk that started the tears... thank God for my friend... he held me and let me cry as I needed it... it was also nice having a big strong guy move some of the larger items around... I continue to feel blessed to have such amazing friends...

After a few hours of going through his things, I brought some small things home and will be going to get the remainder of the items by the end of the month... my friend stayed with me afterwards to let me sort through my thoughts and helped to get me centered... my Mom and best friend were waiting at home for us and allowed me to do nothing but deal with my feelings...

Some days seems much harder now than when we were just recovering from his death... maybe because the shock of it all has worn off and I'm finally free to feel all of the emotions... I am fortunate to have a safe place to just let it all out with people that are incredibly supportive... there are times when I wish I knew how much longer I'm going to feel this way... it's going to take time and things will get better...